A couple of conversations with different people this weekend reminded me of what the real world actually is like.

A friend and colleague was going on and on about her frustrations at work with being gay and the lack of understanding, acknowledgement and respect she got at times. She's openly gay but there have been several incidences where her colleagues tried to hook her up with men. Then there are my other friends who tell me they can't really acknowledge their sexuality and have to go around smiling at straight jokes or worse, pretend to be straight.

I forget that, even today, it isn't easy being openly gay.

Ever since I came out to my parents in my teens, I've lived my life as a gay person and I made it a point that everyone around me knew I was gay. I've made it an effort to normalise being gay every chance i got. So much so that I don't think about it anymore.

The movie Torch Song Trilogy taught me to be self reliant; to cook, sew, clean, fix things, solve my own problems ... even pat myself on the back if I needed to. It made me endeavour to do whatever I was tasked with or undertook to the best of my abilities. All this so I could be respected as a person. A gay person.

I thought that if I was damn good at whatever I did, no one would give a hoot if I was gay.

That has worked for me.

From Boom Boom Room to Singapore Airlines to Saatchi & Saatchi to Web Connections to Paprika to where I am today.

Everywhere I went, I refused to pretend. I didn't participate in guy talk. I didn't put up with snide gay jokes. I didn't change the pronoun "he" to "she" when I talked about my lover. I made it a point for my colleagues and my clients to know I was gay.

So at 37, I find myself to be a relatively well-adjusted adult who lives in a world that acknowledges and respects me as a gay person. I've had my boyfriends come to the different offices I've worked at and get acquainted with my colleagues. Gay staff who work at my office openly surf Fridae and other gay websites. My clients ask me about who the latest love of my life is and one has even tried match making me to another gay man she knows.

I forget this order of things isn't normal.

Many still struggle with being openly gay with friends, at work and at home. And it'll take quite a few people some time to adjust their mindsets and behaviour before they are able to accept and react appropriately to any alternative sexual orientation.

So for those who struggle with these issues.

For those who know of friends and love ones who struggle with these issues.

And even those who love and embrace anyone and everyone.

I want share with you the movie Torch Song Trilogy.

If you know a friend who has the DVD or see it at HMV or on Amazon, get a copy of it and watch it.

I think its a quintessential piece for any gay person to watch but the fundamental message of having love and respect for someone cuts across sexual orientation, gender, race or religion.

Hopefully it'll help give you strength, like its given me, to openly be the person that you are.

Hopefully it'll help make us all more accepting of things and opinions that are different.


Here are some gems from the movie:

I think my biggest problem is being young and beautiful.
It's my biggest problem because I've never been
young and beautiful.
Oh, I've been beautiful, I've been young,
but never the twain have met.

Why are the mirrors covered?
So we don't see the pain in our faces.
Why are we sitting on boxes?
To make sure there's pain in our faces.

I have taught myself to sew, cook, fix plumbing.
I can even pat myself on the back when necessary
So I don't have to ask anyone for anything.
There's nothing I need from anyone
Except for love and respect.
Anyone who can't give me those two things
Has no place in my life.



The Internet Movie Database for Torch Song Trilogy

Torch Song Trilogy at Amazon.com

Transcript from Torch Song Trilogy

we cannot sit and not do anything .... we have to help change things so that this won't happen to someone we love

after watching this ... i got reminded about the first time i fell in love and how naive and idealistic i was.

and now ... the realisation of how jaded and cynical about love i am as a result of "the natural progression of life in the gay scheme of things"

but we all hold out for true love to come along right ?

this youtube video echoes these thoughts quite aptly

We cannot and must not, he stressed, allow ourselves to be consigned to a subsidiary role; we cannot and must not, ever, be ashamed of who we are and what we believe in; we cannot and must not allow our dignity to be compromised. Without our dignity, in the truest sense of the word, in the sense that it entitles us to a moral right and inclines us towards a moral virture to be intolerant of unjust devaluement and disparagement, we are no more human.

I never expected 2 great performances this trip back.

The only thing I can think of to say is that it would be a crime if there is an empty seat in any of this show's performances.

The script is touching, honest, inspirational and so so much more. I don't know what words I to use to do describing it justice.

Watching the performance unfold, I felt such a range of emotions and identified with so many different aspects of the play that I walked out at the end ... teary-eyed, clensed, refreshed and with a feeling of hope.

The performances are heart-stirring. I have a super talented best fren!!! But seriously .... everyone was good. Everyone gave their all from their heart and the result is something truly special that only dedication, passion and love for their work and the piece they are doing can produce.

For anyone who's been in love ... whether you're gay or straight ... I highly recommend this show... the moments in this play speak to all of us.

For fellow gay people .... i really hope you'll be able to catch this really special piece of theathre coz there are so many messages that strike a cord in so many parts of our lives .... including 377A.

After the performance, I got to meet the playwrite and all I could think of to say to him was "thank you from the bottom of my heart .... thank you for creating something like this, for helping me relive so many memories, re-feel so many things and learn about myself again."



I've never maid it a point to watch a theatre performance again but ... I'm gonna catch Asian Boys again another 2 times (i hope) coz there are so many things I'm sure I'll catch that I didn't see the first time round.

VILNIUS (Reuters) - Trolley-bus drivers in a Lithuanian town refused to drive their vehicles while they were carrying advertisements promoting tolerance toward gay men and women, a company official said Monday.

Algirdas Krivickas, director of the trolley bus company in Kaunas, said employees had reacted strongly to the adverts which read: "A gay can serve in the police" and "A lesbian can work at school."

Drivers had refused to take out trolley buses bearing the adverts. These had now been taken down.

"Some said they feared the trolley bus could be vandalized, some said they do not want friends to laugh at them," Krivickas said.

Conservative attitudes are common in the former eastern bloc. A gay rights parade held in the Latvian capital Riga sparks controversy every year.

Vladimir Simonko, president of the Lithuanian Gay League, which ordered the adverts, said the aim was to encourage discussion.

"It is a sad situation. Such attitudes force homosexual people to emigrate from Lithuania," he said.

Two-thirds of the funds to promote tolerance toward homosexuals came from the European Union and the rest from the Lithuanian government.

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2007-05-15T132319Z_01_L14111624_RTRUKOC_0_US-LITHUANIA-GAY.xml

never thought my first Fridae profile wud stay with me for so long or that Fridae wud become an integral extension of a gay asian man. If you ask most gay men what their daily internet habits include ....most will say. check fridae, check livejournal/blog, check email, chat on MSN

pleasure factors in as a huge need for satisfaction when gay men are younger so the search for that seemed to have a heavy influence on things one did outside of work. my thoughts when i created my Fridae account way back when Fridae first started was a catchy handle that made cruising easier.

to be honest ... i've hardly picked up from Fridae coz most people you meet there are a little scary. it seemed to be more a place you searched for someone you saw at a party ... link would be through mutual frens or people you saw him hanging out with. then the norm was to send each other hearts ... then emails .. then see what happens next

guess i've grown up a lot through the years and i've decided its time to abandon this "shallow" handle

i never do much with my Fridae account anymore anyway and when you're past 35 .... trying to stay lean is an effort. so in anticipation of "lean"ness becoming elusive and becoming too old to be called "dude" ... i've abandoned leandude and decide to use my LJ profile as my Fridae profile

just a notice to frens and people who know me as leandude or who've added me as frens on Fridae .... i'll stop using this in about 60 days ...once my perks expires

:-)

reposted from orrh .... You HAVE to watch this!!1 Its so so hilarious and jake is really really very good!!!