If I had a dollar for every time I've had that said to me .... I could get a pair of bvlgari cuff-links.

To me, the statement"I can't believe you're still single!?" reflects a certain level of naivety and a lack of a grasp with the realities of being attached.

The exclamation should be "I can't believe you're attached!?" and here's why.

There are so many odds stacked against one being attached:
1. are you both attracted to each other at the same time
2. is there sexual chemistry (this figures so highly for most gay men)
3. do you speak the same language
4. do you live in the same country
5. do you connect intellectually
6. are you able to communicate honestly and openly with each other
7. do you share similar value systems and approaches to life
8. are you both at similar points in your maturity and at similar crossroads in life
9. are you at similar or compatible levels of "outness" as gay men
10. do you both get along with each other's friends
11. are you both able to deal with & resolve differences and tempers
12. are you both able to deal with and support each other when things aren't a bed-of-roses
13. do you share a similar or compatible stance when it comes to casual sex and variety being the spice of life
14. can you grow and mature together through the years

I think childhood fairytales like Snow White and Cinderella coupled with movies like Pretty Woman have really warped our expectations of being with someone, of being in a long-term relationship and seriously affected the way we deal with the reality and challenges of being attached.

How many fairytale or movie like stories have you heard of someone meeting the love of their life and after a dramatic plunging and soaring of emotions over a relatively short period of time, live happily ever after with never a squeak of frustration?

Don't we spend more time counseling each other on the bad choices we are making, have made or might be making than celebrating 5, 10 or 15 year anniversaries?

That knight in shining armour, that dashing prince on white stallion often doesn't turn out to be so dashing, doesn't turn out to be so hot without his armour after the passing of a couple months. More so after a year or two.

Staying together for 3 or 6 months is easy. That's the giddy, soul-soaring honeymoon period.

After that, when the "flaws" start appearing and the rose-tinted glasses come off, we are often unhappy with who we decided to have. After several attempts at making it work, greener pastures start to tempt us and we're compelled to repeat the cycle of "falling" out of love and back into "love" again with the next guy who seems to fit our, perhaps, more sensible expectations.

My opinion is that person didn't "fall" out of love but decided the reality of what needs to be done in being in a relationship isn't something he is ready to deal with.

After several long-term relationships that total 12 years, after getting to know some gay friends who've reached their 10th and 15th anniversary, my two-cents are that you gotta hang in there with all your strength and will after the initial giddy passion subsides and work at being together.

You learn how to be together as each day, each month, each year passes. You grow together and build a past together which you both can look upon fondly, which will help keep you together.

That giddy passion which subsides with the onset of reality then slowly grows to a deep love which time, shared moments, friends and challenges reinforce.

Its bloody hard at first. Its alway seems easier to throw in the towel and think the next guy that comes along will be easier.

It only gets easier as the years pass with the same guy.

Given all this ... and given the fact that I don't make it past point 4. on my list above, I'm still single.

Couplehood is an amazing feat to attempt and make last so I salute those who have made it work.

So please don't bound up to me and exclaim "I can't believe you're still single!?" thinking that's something remarkably unusual.

Knowing my point of view with regards to this state called love, you should be taken aback and ready to yell "I can't believe you're attached" if and when I decide I've met someone who's worth taking the plunge and making the effort with.

So I end this post with the lyrics from Bette Midler's The Glory of Love
... I wanna point out the line and when the world is through with us, we've got each others arms as food for thought

You've got to give a little, take a little,
And let your poor heart break a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,
Until the clouds roll by a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

As long as theres the two of us,
Weve got the world and all its charms.
And when the world is through with us,
We've got each others' arms.

You've got to win a little, lose a little,
Yes, and always have the blues a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

I never expected 2 great performances this trip back.

The only thing I can think of to say is that it would be a crime if there is an empty seat in any of this show's performances.

The script is touching, honest, inspirational and so so much more. I don't know what words I to use to do describing it justice.

Watching the performance unfold, I felt such a range of emotions and identified with so many different aspects of the play that I walked out at the end ... teary-eyed, clensed, refreshed and with a feeling of hope.

The performances are heart-stirring. I have a super talented best fren!!! But seriously .... everyone was good. Everyone gave their all from their heart and the result is something truly special that only dedication, passion and love for their work and the piece they are doing can produce.

For anyone who's been in love ... whether you're gay or straight ... I highly recommend this show... the moments in this play speak to all of us.

For fellow gay people .... i really hope you'll be able to catch this really special piece of theathre coz there are so many messages that strike a cord in so many parts of our lives .... including 377A.

After the performance, I got to meet the playwrite and all I could think of to say to him was "thank you from the bottom of my heart .... thank you for creating something like this, for helping me relive so many memories, re-feel so many things and learn about myself again."



I've never maid it a point to watch a theatre performance again but ... I'm gonna catch Asian Boys again another 2 times (i hope) coz there are so many things I'm sure I'll catch that I didn't see the first time round.

... you can guage a person's age range based on how he describes falling in & out of love

... someone connects you as the owner of a personal website about coming out and being gay in singapore built years and years ago

------------

robingoh had to look after a girl-fried of ours so he left Play early and by chance I hung out with runecircle and his frens. Play on Friday nite was weird. Saturday was better but I just can't get over how many new faces there are. Just after 3am, they decided to go over to Maxwell.

While sitting there listening to the conversation .... one guy recounts a recent heartbreak and i can only think ... goodness ... he's young. (turns out he's 30 but still a strong believer in happily-ever-after and innocent untainted true love)

later as we're about to leave ... i think he gathers enough courage to ask ... "you have a website right? .... you shared your coming out story and had pictures of you and your boyfriend ... and weren't you flying back then?"

argh .... this trip back to singapore is turning out to be a weird one

website the guy's talking about is still around ... not in its original form which had quite a few more pages ... just kept the important pages and comments visitors left

the website the guy was talking about: http://www.geocities.com/jermyn_toh/

just visited it again and saw the web-stats ... 38,199 visits to my site's first page since they started the tracking service on geocities

ok la i guess

:-)

I over-looked this when orrh had this entry. but having time recently .... i've been catching up on my fren's post.

Possibly the 1st MTV feaeturing a gay relationship as its central theme?




Check out his recent entry .... it really is nice to see positive gay imagery out in main-stream media in this day and age. makes me believe that our world is moving ahead rather than taking steps backwards